We have had more than our fair share of situations recently but I am fully aware of the fact that my jealousy has started to rear its ugly head. I hate it and I hate myself for it. I am supposed to be open minded and the best thing about our relationship should be the honesty about our fantasies but since our best friend (male) had been involved in one of these situations I feel so differently and I hope it hasn't ruined everything!
I love 'the game' involved in what we do, I love to watch his face as we plan scenarios only we know about and we seem to engage in things without saying a word, one look from him and I know what he wants me to do and It gives me so much pleasure to see I'm turning him on. It had never gotten very far before but I thought I knew where my boundaries were. We could have other girls involved but there was always a look but no touch rule but then I let him touch them but I wasn't completely comfortable with it and it has seemed to get gradually out of my comfort zone. The touching grew to licking and sometimes I forgot about my pleasure in all this and just started going along with it and even creating these situations just to keep him happy but ended up upsetting myself in the process.
I think this maybe went a step too far when he suggested we invited his friend around. We have spoken before about introducing a man into the relationship and the thought of another man lusting after me whilst he is watching really does turn me on but I wasn't entirely sure this wasn't just a plan in order for him to say "well you've done it so why cant I?" Because of who it was and how close our friendship is it wasnt long before the games started.
I found myself laying on the bed with both of them massaging me head to toe I felt lovely 2 men rubbing me all over both of them hard for me but I wasn't horny for the situation like I had been before. I thought he desperately wanted to see me with another man and before I knew it there I was getting fucked from behind by our friend whilst sucking my boyfriends cock. I was looking at my boyfriends face for a response and I wasn't getting the one I needed, I cant feel turned on by this if he isn't lusting for me and I wasn't feeling it from him. I was trying to put off carrying it on any further and I have to admit I was glad when he finally went home. It was an experience but I'm not sure I want to repeat it, maybe I'm not cut out for this lifestyle after all. Am I doing all this because I think this is what he wants? I'm not even sure anymore.
Luckily for us as soon as he was gone (literally minutes after) that is when the fantastic sex returned! we have the best fucks afterwards when its all fresh in our heads and I felt so completely in love with him, the lust was unbelievable and I wanted him to stay inside me for the rest of the day. I didn't care if he wasn't even hard I just wanted him in me! we hugged and kissed for hours told each other how in love we both were, it was the most amazing feeling.
I haven't felt the same since then, I know I don't want another man and I hate the thought of him being with another woman he told me that he cant understand why it doesn't turn me on to watch him with someone else but it doesn't. I'm not sure I could share him now, I feel like this because I love him and now more than ever, but he says he wants to see other people enjoy me because he loves me?! I just don't understand, I feel so jealous that he wants other women, but if he doesn't get jealous over me then how can he love me?
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